I am a girl who had no memory of growing up. When I turned 25 after being married and having 3 children, I practiced releasing negative emotions using the book "Feelings Buried Alive Never Die". I then read about Satanic Ritual Abuse from Sharon Reece's book Healing Broken Wings. I knew I had been ritually abused in my heart, but I didn't know in my mind. One night, Jesus told me, "those who will not repent must suffer even as I, who trembled because of pain, and shrunk, that I would not have to drink the bitter cup. The Lord was telling me my fate if I did not repent. I was sweating and tossing and turning as I slept. The next day I begged the Lord to give me a life review. Why did I feel so guilty when I had no memory of committing evil?
My emotions progressed. I later found out I was reliving the emotional memories of my abuse. Then, the flashbacks came. I woke up from sleep in a memory from the past, completely reliving everything as if it were happening in real time, but it was a broadcast that was playing itself out after years of being buried in my mind. My brain made slight clicking noises after reliving the memory.
It has been over 2 years now. I have uncovered and relived over 200 flashbacks. I have gotten to know my hypnotic mind control programs and personalities through dream work. I had thousands of personalities inside. I had internal societies with class systems and guards and soldiers. I had an internal computer, internal workers and slaves. I had internal truths and memories. I had cut off personalities inside a tree, a dollhouse, a crystal. I had an internal post office for receiving commands. I had strings of Chinese and numbers embedded into my subconscious mind. I had an internal strong man who controlled the computer. There was some sort of car system in charge of switching gears. There were internal spinning hard drives, and a house of mirrors. Personalities would pop in and out of my chest. Triggers would cause personalities to spin and pop out of my body. Personalities pop in and out of my back and I can physically feel where they are and if they are missing.
My main self was just a shell. The real me was constantly shifting into different hypnotic states.
I was abused with mice put in my va***a, bathtubs full of ants, satanic Impregnation at weekly ritual nights. The sacrament was mocked by the drinking of real blood. They have a mock holy ghost and the have missionaries. They mocked the patriarchal order, as my mother obeyed my father as she commits human and animal sacrifice. They call themselves the Knights of Templar and their sign is the double cross such as what is seen on the Nabisco brand and the Oreo cookie.
I was impregnated and induced at least 5 times. I relived hearing the cries of babies. I have body memories of my hand with a knife as someone holds my hand as it cuts into something. The visual memory is gone. I have one baby before it was induced, alone in the bathroom. My mom cooks it in the oven, along with another baby from who knows where.
My mom is insane. I promise myself I will never let myself go insane. I learn that insanity is a willingness to hide from the truth because it is ugly, but the price for doing so is ultimately destruction.
I am accused for my testimony by my father's bishop, by my extended family, by forums and websites that promise to share truth. People choose insanity instead of truth.
I was tortured at school. I was tortured at home. They used virtual reality head sets, tasers, stun guns and electroshock. With violent rape, porn and prostitution, and fear and terror. I was drugged by injection and abused with religious audio in the background. At a young age, I had to kill a 2 year old boy as part of my training. I completed assassin missions. I killed a 4 year old girl. I killed someone with a butter knife. I killed a man point blank in his yard as he came home late at night. I hid in the bushes as the police came and took the dead man away.
I took my 3 year old and my 1 year old to rituals. I allowed bad things to happen to them. All of this happened while I was split with multiple personalities and my mind fought to understand what had happened to me.
I was taught by a doctor during an electroshock session that that se* out of wedlock is pure, like a crystal. I was taught abstinence was dirty.
I had flashbacks with no visual but body and sound memories of being in a war zone. I had the visual memory of target practicing. I had the audio memory of shooting a semi automatic shotgun. I had flashbacks of being at airports, and being in helicopters.
I was told I was being programmed (as a kid) by a special woman from Alaska. She told me to become a fish tank with some of the fish being adventurous prostitutes, and small grey fish to hold the sad feelings. She trained me to somehow link up to some sort of computer with my mind.
I was programmed with letters and numbers, such as "A1", and I named this split "Wendy".
I was put in a cage and brainwashed into acting like a cat. I was given cat food to eat. I had to change the cats' diapers, and crawl around. I was put in the washing machine for talking, while my father and sisters went out to eat. I was starved.
The deepest part of my programming has recently revealed itself after I gained 30 lbs trying to stuff the truth back down. After praying and fasting this final most crucial information reveled itself to me as I dreamt. I was hypnotically programmed with a file containing nuclear launch codes.
Spiritually, one night I laid in bed and in my mind's eye a demon grabbed me and yanked me to go to hell with him. Instantly an image of Jesus on the cross interceded and protected me. Many demons have left out of me as I slowly heal. One had the ability to control me and force me into an evil grin against my will right before he left. One appeared in a real lucid type dream and tried to choke me as he said "I will never leave you alone!" I have been protected through Christ.
Please share my story with those who have ears to hear.