Basically as you read my story, you will know in your heart that this happened to you too, though you may have no conscious memory of it.
I have been informed that at the posting of this, I will have 2 spiritual giants by my side night and day to protect me and my family from harm.
This entry is not picture perfect, but is another entry in my personal journey to understand myself and so it will need further revising.
I would recommend reading Twenty-Two Faces: by Judy Byington and Healing Broken Wings by Sharon Reece. You can also read about Satanic Ritual Abuse and CIA mind control projects on the internet.
I was born in a cult. Throughout my life I developed multiple personalities. There were 5 main splits. Just like a shattered glass, some of those splits were shattered into many pieces. I have suspicions of what I was programmed to be, but I am still putting together the picture on this.
My earliest memory was when I was 2, I was placed on a table with a ring of men around me, in white doctors lab coats. My mother was starting to recover her memories, so she was taken to a mental hospital and put on lithium and tranquilizers. She is still on drugs today and has yet to understand the truth about her own life.
The men began their programming at this age. They stated, "You will NEVER have a maternal influence again." I believed them.
The idea behind mind control, is to give an infant everything he or she needs for the first few years of life, and then at about age 2 or 3, take away that love. The first experience of betrayal.
Here are a few of the memories I have re-lived.
As I grew, I was habitually electrocuted. If you have seen the movie, 'The man who knew too little," The scene where the lady comes to torture the brother with her electricity machine is what happened to me.
One time I was strapped to a table, and electropads were put onto my toes and fingers, and my left labia of my vagina. They put drugs and IVs into my arms, and then turned the machine on.
The machine ran for 20 minutes, during which time my heart started to feel a tremendous pressure from the electricity. My right arm was pushed behind my back and after awhile dislocated. Finally, my heart went into respiratory attack. My spirit left my body and sank to my heart. I asked the Holy Spirit, 'how many times' as I relived this memory, and the spirit said, "3 times." A defibrillator was put on my chest and and I was shocked three times to get my heart beating again.
I had a vision of myself on a chair tipped back as men surrounded me, particularly the man in the middle in a white coat. I saw that there was green light everywhere, but it may have been backlash from being programmed with a red light. I was also programmed with sounds.
I was sexually abused most of my childhood. I was shown a Siamese Cat and taught that "Cats Act Proud." I stood tall and tried to be like a cat.
I was pulled from my bed one night and while being abused woke up from the drugs and tried to get free. Both my hands were being held by either people or vice. I broke one had free and as I tried to get the other free I noticed my legs being put in pornographic poses and then I was turned over and drugged in the back. I went back to sleep as I was being rammed into.
I have documented my personality splits thus far:
Split 1: 5 or so splits within this core personality
1. 12 yr old boy
2. 14 year old African American boy
3. 16 year old boy, basket ball player, light hearted, somewhat devious
4. Julie, fun loving 14 year old girl, loves movies, pleasure, fun, extreme extrovert
5. Sister Julie (mimicking normal Julie) holding memories of first sexual abuse that split my core into 5 pieces, perfect at acting as if she was normal Julie. Loved playing the flute to express her sadness. Extreme Introvert.
Split 2: No splits, This is ME that grew up with no knowledge of abuse. This is normal Julie, the survivor.
Split 3: 5 or so splits within this core personality
1. Old man: angry, bitter, hated Jesus until he got to know who He really is, took time to integrate this character. He did not know he could repent, feared he committed the unpardonable sin.
2. Julie mimicking normal Julie, turned off sex drive until married. Enjoyed abuse. Jesus taught her to turn it off until marriage. Other parts of this split would not let her integrate easily, being as they thought she was evil for enjoying the abuse. Every time she would join, the others would push her out. They had to learn that it was ok for her to enjoy it as long as it is in a marital context.
3. Kirsten--6th grader, dancer, holding back pain
4. Math girl---could do math all day long
5. Karen--Perfectionist, holding neck pain
Split 4: 10 year old or so intoxicated, been harmed with many knives, drowned boy. He had blonde hair, blue eyes, and an adult version of him that was in a wheel chair, very low energy, in lots of pain, and under the thumb of the cult. He was demon possessed and it took lots of cleansing and casting out the devil in order for him to break through and integrate. When he finally did integrate, my energy level increased by a substantial amount. It cured my chronic fatigue.
1. Protector sister Linda
2. Narrator--described what was going on with my personalities
3. 4-5 year old cold little boy
4. Reporter--droid/human worked for the cult to call and report to them on how far integrated I am before it allowed me to know of its exsistance.
5. Happy 17 year old girl who wants pleasure but also wants Christ. Happily performed oral sex when thinking she was a cat. Working to balance these drives and overcome the flesh.
6. Young mother; good; loves her children very much
7. Sensitive 13 year old female, Very strong female, no male characteristics--she only sees through the female part of her brain, which is the left eye. Scared of men.
8. Adventurer, assumed identity of Han Solo or Indiana Jones (Harrison Ford), Protector, Courageous, working on getting the rest of my personalities free and converting them to Christ.
Are there more? Absolutely, I am still working on getting my picture right.
Is all of this stuff true? Absolutely, but a lot of it is out of the awareness of my main personality. If she, who is such a devoted Christian, knew everything all at once, it would break her heart. Jesus is allowing my memories to surface slowly and in time, to allow me to function in my present life as well as heal from the dual nature found in other personalities. Truth is not in the brain, it is in the heart. So while my heart talks to me and teaches me, I have faith that what it tells me is true. In the end, I am accountable to follow my heart and that is why I am sharing these things, though I know I will be ridiculed to scorn. When I am on my death bed, nothing anybody thinks of me will matter, only that I am true to the truth in my heart.